Summary of essential traits to look for in a potential spouse:
1. Discern genuine conversion. Growing up in the church, a young person’s external conformity to
Church norms, and Christian vocabulary mean little. Find a spouse whose life exhibits regeneration
by spontaneous fruit of righteousness. He should be characterized by interest in the things of God; he should
love to pray to God. He should study the Word of God diligently and often as if it were the very blue
prints for life, and Words of salvation from the Creator. He should love to be with the people of God.
He should have a burden for the lost which motivates him to action.
2. Ensure a measure of godliness and godly zeal equal to or greater than your own. You cannot serve
God optimally with a spouse who is dragging you toward worldliness.
3. Choose a spouse who has learned to handle conflict biblically. Godly character is most clearly
discerned in this area. Do you find evidences of submission, courtesy, humility and patience? When
wrongs are committed, is the pattern of confrontation, repentance and forgiveness followed?
4. If you are a woman, look for a man who you can respect, submit to, and serve happily. Ask yourself,
will he lead me in growth in the knowledge of God? Does he have means to work hard, provide
faithfully, and train our future children in the fear of God? Will he complement me, making me
optimally productive in my service to God?
5. If you are a man, look for a woman who will help you in your calling. She should be suitably
equipped to work along side you in the vocation/ministries you are pursuing. She should embrace
the biblical model for womanhood: helping her husband, bearing children, nurturing and caring for
her family and others providentially put in her path. She should be an example of godliness for the
encouragement to the body of Christ.
General desirable characteristics in a spouse:
1. Look for maturity and experience. Someone who has never faced difficulties may not bear up under
the inevitable trials of marriage. One whose faith is not tried should be inspected that much more
2. Similar interests in reading, sports, eating habits, and other “lifestyle” issues. “Cultural
compatibility.” While being non-essential, agreement on these things makes for less time wasted
3. Good health, high energy and a strong work-ethic are qualities that will improve the economic
aspects of marriage.
4. Physical attractiveness: while one must not place much value in fading externals, it is right to
choose to marry someone you find attractive. Just be sure external beauty doesn’t blur your
assessment of internal qualities.